


The One When Chihiro Comes Back

by LizzieBennet



Category: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi | Spirited Away
Genre: Darkness, Dreams vs. Reality, F/M, Friendship/Love, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-09-01 01:35:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8602039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzieBennet/pseuds/LizzieBennet
Summary: Chihiro Ogino is now a grown up and she's not the person she used to be as a child. That's normal, it's what happens when one changes and evolves. But will she see the Spirit World the same way she used to?





	1. Prologue

The very moment Chihiro finds herself out of the tunnel she lets go of her mother's arm and finally turns back, feeling uneasy. Why did it feel like she couldn’t look back?

She stares into the black hole of the tunnel as if she were trying to save all of those shadows in her mind, like her life might depend on it. Chihiro can’t help but feeling that she has forgotten something very important but her mother is calling her and what matters more than her parents? So she gets in the car and doesn’t turn back any more.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Chasing the Sun**

When Chihiro is seventeen she is one of the brightest students of her school. She laughs and goes out with her friends, sometimes she even dares to drink alcohol. Her hair is longer than it used to be and she ties it up with a lovely purple hair tie she has no idea where she got from. But it’s her favourite or it has been since she moved there, given that she can’t recall using it prior to that.

She’s just finished her second year of High School and her parents allowed her to spend the night out as a prize for her good grades. She’s satisfied with her grades but she knows better; if she want to pass the college entrance examination she’s got to start studying for it now. For what faculty, that’s a big question. She envies her friends and classmates that have no doubt about their future. Among her closest friends there are a future lawyer and a future biomedical engineer. Useful, indeed. But how do they know for certain they won’t change their mind before their last high school year is over?

While these thoughts are hunting her, Chihiro is trying out a new dress her parents got her for her birthday. It suits her very well and she’s aware but tonight she has no intention to be modest at all. She’s studying her reflection in the mirror when one of her friends calls on the phone. It all sounds like a big mess of “The blue one suits you perfectly” “You’ve got to wear that red lipstick” “The boys are going to blow their mind out tonight” until she manages to hang up and yes they’ll meet in half an hour or so.

She sighs and turns to face herself. She would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy her mundane social life at all, but she admits to herself she doesn’t love it, either. It’s just a way like another to pretend people fit in the world, a world where people like small talks and use other people to have fun without commitment. It works out the same way sex does, a longing for connection, for leaving out the pain and the issues of being you. She knows it very well given that she does the same.

«You look stunning, honey»

The flow of her thoughts gets interrupted by her mother, whom she did not hear coming in. She smiles thankfully at her.

«Rumi just arrived, she’s waiting downstairs. Have you got your phone?»

«It’s the twenty-one century mum, how could I ever forget it?» She replays smiling as she gets her purse and then hugs her mother. «I’m going to be fine».

«I know, but I’m always going to worry» She says as she caresses her daughter cheeks «Just remember you can call us any time you need. Now go have some fun.»

«Thanks mum! Goodnight» and then she’s gone.

 

Chihiro loves the place they booked for the party. She convinced her schoolmates to host there the final day school party instead of the boring school gym this year. It’s a literary café she often goes to, when she wants to enjoy some time on her own. The walls are covered with books of any kind, from the children ones to the school ones and she’s pleased to see they didn’t move the shelves to make more room.

«Ogino Chihiro! I didn’t dare to hope you’d be here» Chihiro turns to face the boy that spoke and she draws her lips into a smirk, accepting the vodka he hands to her.

«I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Koan. Good choice of place, by the way»

«Wonder who picked it. Do you happen to know it well?»

«I may or may not. What would you like to hear?» Her eyes sparkle as she leans closer, a playful smile on her face.

«I was just thinking I’d like to see the roof. You may show me the way, if you like»

She’s just about to take his hand and lead him upstairs when someone grabs her on the shoulder. It’s Rumi. Even under all that make-up she can read her worried face, «Are you all right?»

«Would you come with me for a moment please?»

«Of course.» She glances over to where Koan is still standing, «I’ll see you later».

 

«Is that your gratitude? I rescued you!»

«Rescued me? And when on earth did I ask you to?»

«I know you act like you’re cool with everything but Koan Sakamoto is dangerous, Chihiro. Maya spent two months crying over him last year, and he didn’t bother call her back, not even once!»

Chihiro sighs heavily as she slowly shakes her head. The toilet where they are locked in feels to tiny for the both of them. She has no idea how to explain to her friend what she feels right now.

«Rumi. It doesn’t matter»

«How it doesn’t matter, Chihiro? He’s-» «Let me finish!» The other girl stops at the vehemence of Chihiro’s words, so unusual of her.

«It doesn’t matter if he’s not serious about stuff because nor am I. I don’t want to get married, Rumi. I just want to have fun and Koan’s the best to have fun with because he wants exactly the same and nothing more.»

A heavy silence falls between the two until Rumi breaks it. «I get it»

«You do?» Chihiro’s suspicious tone seems to unleash Rumi’s stoic facial expression.

«You never let people get close to you, I figured that much. In fact, I’m one of the very few friends you hold dear, isn’t it? I guess that makes me special, in a way.»

She stops to let Chihiro a chance to say something but it appears to be her turn to be quiet, so she keeps going. «I’m just saying, you don’t have to justify yourself with me, I’m your friend. I’m sorry I pushed before but now I get it. And by the way, they say Koan’s great in bed.»

Chihiro laughs at that. «I better hope so!»

She’s always known Rumi is a good friend but it warms her up having a confirmation of that. She chose well. They go dancing and it’s fun for a while, until she feels her cheeks burning and she decides she needs some air, so she gets a cold beer and takes the stairs to the roof.

Up there the air is cool and she breaths deeply with her eyes closed as she approaches the railing and enjoys the view. It is beautiful. From where she stands, in the dark, she can see all the lights from the streets and the houses and hears the music from downstairs softens, like it’s fading away. She takes a sip of beer and slowly turns around until she stops dead as she catches a figure in front of her. Is that...?

«Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.»

Yes, definitively a boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi and thank you if you reached this note!  
> This story isn't beta'd which means there are probably a lot of mistakes, when you notice them, please let me know, so I can fix them.  
> How about this Chihiro? It is merely an introduction of what I think to be a complex character but you'll see in the next chapters.  
> I want to stress on something: in this fanfiction Chihiro is an ordinary girl. Miyazaki stated he wanted her to be an average girl who has to grow up and I'm trying to keep up with this. Her being a good student is something quite common everywhere in the world and it's especially important in japanese culture; for how she thinks or behave I'm just reflecting our own society so nothing strange at all.  
> By the way, in Japan High School is divided into Junior High School and High School, of three years each. So in this chapter Chihiro is supposed to have just finished her middle year in High School.  
> See you next chapter!
> 
> P.S.   
> Every chapter is named after a song that inspired me or that I think fits in the story. Here Chasing the Sun https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFS5N_yAGTo


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Before Sunrise**

«It’s all right. I am sorry, I didn’t notice you when I got up here.»

He gets closer and she can see his face clearly. He smiles though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

«Well, that was kind of the point.»

He’s taller than her and very lean. He wears a white shirt and dark trousers and despite it being the most usual outfit among guys Chihiro thinks he looks much more handsome and elegant than the lot of them.

She hands him the bottle. «Have you been up here the whole time?»

«Pretty much, yeah. I promised a friend I would come» He takes a sip.

«You might as well stayed home» He chuckles and drinks again, a longer sip this time and then returns the bottle to Chihiro. «It’s not that bad after all. Besides, I’m celebrating. I just graduated from high school.»

She studies him for a while. He looks so young you might mistake him for a fifteen year old boy, but there’s a brightness in his eyes that cannot be mistaken at all. There is something about him, like an aura, that inspires Chihiro to act with reverence towards him.

«Congratulations. Do you know what to do next?»

«I’m going to be a doctor.» The steadiness in his voice makes her heart jump. Chihiro diverts her gaze from him, her eyes wandering around until he speaks again, his voice softer this time.

«Do you know what you’re going to do?»

«Yes. I do, but I don’t. I mean-», she looks at him worried but he looks quite interested in what she was going to say. With the hint of a smile he encourages her to go on and under his gaze she doesn’t longer feel out of place.

«I don’t know what to do next, not exactly, but I’ve got another year to think about it. What I do know is that I want to do something useful, I want to make my life useful. I just don’t know in what field yet.»

She’s about to take the beer but realizes all of sudden that they’re sitting close, their backs resting against the railing and that she left the bottle upon it. She decides she doesn’t want it after all. They stay silent for a while and Chihiro knows it’s one of those silences she doesn’t have to fill with words, so she just enjoys it. She lets her thoughts flow, thinking how strange it actually is they haven’t introduced yet and still she doesn’t want to ask, feeling it would kill the mysticism of the moment.

«Is that important to you?»

«What?»

«The hair band in your hand. Sorry, it seemed like you were caressing it more than playing with it.»

She glances at her lap, where she holds the hair tie. While Chihiro brushes it slowly with her fingertips she thinks she didn’t even notice sliding it out of her wrist.

«It’s very important to me» her eyes are fixed on her hands «but I don’t remember why.» There is a painful sadness in her voice, he can tell. He doesn’t know this girl but he knows he would help her if he knew how.

«Something happened in my life,» she says, «And afterwards everything changed, I changed. I felt different, stronger, and at the same time I had to face a melancholy I had never experienced before. I realized with absolute certainty that everywhere I go, everything I do, a shadow follows. Even in the dark, especially in the dark. It’s that kind of void, of emptiness the people you have loved leave behind.»

They stay quiet for a while. Chihiro blushes realizing she opened up with a total stranger.

«I can relate to that,» his eyes are shining, filled with understanding, «I feel that too.»

«Who have you lost?» She asks point-blank. Chihiro mentally scolds herself for asking such a private question. He doesn’t look bothered though but ponders the question before answering.

«Someone that inspired me to live» He’s not looking at her when he goes on. «I used to be sick. My heart. I had surgery when I was fourteen and I was sure I was going to die, but after meeting her...»

Chihiro looks somewhere else hearing the devoted emotion in his voice. «I’m so sorry to hear that.»

«Don’t be. If I’ve learned anything out of it, it is the value of life and the people you choose to share it with.»

«Is that the reason why you want to be a doctor?»

«I want to give people a fair chance to live.»«I really hope you succeed. You would make the world a better place.»

«So can you» She doesn’t know what to say to that. _Yes, I hope so? The entrance college exams are so hard I’m not even sure I’ll be accepted?_

«Where is she now?» She tries instead.

«I hope somewhere safe.»

«She is your shadow, isn’t she?» Chihiro says with a sad smile on her face. He smiles back at her and nods.

«What about yours?»

«It’s complicated, I’m not even sure there ever was. It’s just… I feel like there is something I’m endlessly searching for but it always stays out of my reach. I feel so stupid telling you this, I’ve never told anyone before!»

«That’s what happens when you talk to strangers at parties while drunk» his eyes are smiling when he talks, amusement written all over his face.

«We’re not drunk! That wasn’t even half of a beer for each of us» she smiles then «It feels so easy talking to you.»

«There are things you can only tell people you don’t know that don’t know you as well.»

«Isn’t one supposed to be able to tell everything to the people they love?»

He leans his head to the railing, thinking. «It’s more complicated than this.» Chihiro looks up at him. He’s staring at the wall, lost in his thoughts.

«Have you ever been in love?» He doesn’t answer right away and when Chihiro starts wondering if he’s ever going to do it, he does.

«Yes.» He looks at her, «Have you?»

Chihiro freezes at the question and squeezes the hair tie in her hand. «No.»

«Never?»

«Maybe some people just don’t-»

«Don’t say that, it’s not true»

«How are you supposed to know?»

«You only have the right to actually think that if you’re about to die and it never happened. Which is not your case.»

Chihiro doesn’t respond to that. She noticed he stiffened and wonders if it’s safe to ask further. She takes the risk.

«Are you talking out of experience?»

Chihiro fears he might get mad and leave but to her surprise he loosens again against the railing and glances at her.

«When I was ill I realized how short our lives really are. If you think about it, we don’t get to live long. An average of 80 years is nothing compared to the billions years this planet had lived, to the billions people that have walked on it and those that are going to. The best we can do to give our life meaning is to love and to be loved back.»

Chihiro finds herself lost into his big brown eyes, trying to read him, to study the incredible mechanism working behind his brain. Chihiro has often thought about this, how much love is important in someone’s life. She has spent whole days trying to find an answer for this matter, but ended up classifying it as a Mankind Unanswered Question.

«You are right, people don’t live long, and that’s why we should do our best to leave a mark. I think I’d rather die knowing that I was really good at something, that I had excelled in some way, than that I’d just been in a loving relationship. Otherwise we’re just… passengers.»

She wonders if she upset him but if she has he doesn’t show it. Instead he closes his eyes and Chihiro knows for sure he is thinking about it.

«You know», he starts, «we’ve created the issue when we’ve convinced each other that one thing excludes the other. It’s not our fault; I guess you can blame society for that. Even if you’ll never change your mind I’m sure you’ll see what I mean, one day.»

She looks at him and smiles. She doesn’t say anything but he knows she followed and understood everything he said. Subconsciously he knew it all along but it is right now that it strikes him just how smart this girl really is. That’s not an everyday chat and there are very few people he can talk to like this. When he’s starting to wonder why the girl’s eyes look suddenly lighter than before and how he could mistaken them to be darker he looks up at the sky and realizes there is something else he didn’t notice.

«It’s almost dawn», he says as he rises to stand up. «Look.»

The view is breathtaking, with pink and orange reflections lighting the streets.

«It’s time to go.»

At her words he checks his clock, unwilling to believe he forgot to check it earlier. «It’s fifteen minutes past four»

«That’s not it.» She’s still looking at the view and with golden light around her he thinks for the first time that night that she is beautiful. «It’s never about time. It is the light. Always has been. It’s the right light to leave.»

He stares at this strong minded, beautiful, young woman and simply agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I've introduced a character I borrowed from another Studio Ghibli movie "Arrietty". The whole dialogue idea comes from a mix of "Before Sunrise" (which I named the chapter after) and "Love and Other Drugs" which I suggest you to watch if you don't know them already.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**The Sound of Silence**

When Chihiro is twenty-two she is a brilliant promise in the Ecology field. She had been accepted in the University of Nagoya at the age of 18 and now there is only one final semester between her and her Bachelor degree.

Chihiro chose the Graduate School of Environmental Studies to protect Japan natural heritage. As far as she can remember, she has always wanted to take care about restoration of rivers. Her final project is, in fact, the restoration of an old and polluted river in the countryside of Nagoya. It hadn’t been easy to be selected for the internship since she’s still got a few exams to pass, but she had work hard to prove herself to be their best choice and her brilliant academic record did the rest.

The report she wrote will be her final essay and will define her final grade. Although she completed it already Chihiro is, first than anything else, a practical girl – if you pass through the anxiety part, and that’s why she checks on it almost every hour, to correct every single comma and read again every paragraph. She knows her future depends on it. If she’ll get the highest mark, not only she’ll be requested from all Japan, but she will also have the freedom to chose the job she wants.

In truth, the project she holds dear is the Kohaku River in her hometown. She has collected every information she could find about it, from how old it is to all the living form that live in it. Is has been drained enough to build apartments in what used to be the riverbed, but it still flows underground. When she was a child, not older than ten years old, she asked her parents why those buildings had to take the river’s rightful place and how it affected the environment. They were surprised to say the least at her request, and Chihiro herself was taken aback at her sudden interest. For many years nothing changed but recently a large part of the people that used to play to the river banks as kids raised their voice on the matter by signing a petition that drawn the mayor’s interest. It’s thanks to them that the idea of restoring the Kohaku River isn’t a pipe dream any longer and that’s why she keeps the file of the Kohaku River in her bag as her personal treasure.

It’s early in the afternoon and Chihiro is going back to Nagoya after a lovely fortnight with her parents in Tochinoki. Soon her summer holiday will be over, and she wants to spend a few days with her friends before going back to study. The next few months are going to be her last as a student and she intends to make sure she’ll get the best out of them. Rumi is already waiting for her at the campus room they managed to get. On her way to become a lawyer, Rumi never miss to remind her she will be the one to fix the legal problems Chihiro will surely find herself in with that temper of her. She chuckles softly at the thought and leans in the comfortable seat.

Her parents insisted she’d take the first class train instead of the economy one this time and Chihiro knows it was her father idea. She knows it’s her dad way to prove that they are proud of her and she loves them so much for it. They have always been a shelter for her, even when they didn’t agree, which happened quite often, although not on things that mattered.

While watching landscapes passing out of the window she doesn’t keep a smile thinking she’ll make sure they stay as beautiful as they are. While thinking so she takes her iPod out of her pocket and wears her earphones. Looking out of the window to The Sound of Silence playing in her ears Chihiro falls asleep.

 

The sun is up in the sky when she wakes up. The first thing she does is wondering, still sleepily, how is it that she hasn’t heard the registered voice announcing her stop. Touching the seat in search of her jacket she doesn’t recognize its fabric and she opens her eyes wide, fully awake now.

She is on the wrong train. The seat is red and long while the train floor is wooden. The whole train looks quite old. She’s alone in the coach and there’s no one she can ask for help. How did she get on this train? She was absolutely sure she got the right one at Tochinoki Train Station. She checks her ticket to find it validated; she must have been on the right train then. Trying to get control on herself she breaths deeply, thinking on what to do. She’ll call her parents. Yes, that seems to be best thing to do, but when she scrolls the telephone book and clicks on her mother’s number she finds the power line out of signal.

In order to keep her steadiness she registers her situation on an analytical level, like it’s happening to someone else. _Be rational_ she says out laud. _Be rational and you’ll get out of this mess_. When the train finally stops, Chihiro collects all of her stuff and gets off.

The stop is a platform, plain and simple, surrounded by the sea. The moment she steps on it the unease she managed to control on the train comes all over her and she fights to keep herself from passing out. There is the sea all around her but on her left, where she sees in the distance a building that appears to be a bathhouse.

She lays her backpack on the ground and crouches down. Chihiro lets go of a desperate sigh hiding her face behind her hands. She has no idea where is, furthermore she was completely unaware of a bathhouse in that area. _But this is not even THAT area._ She wasn’t even supposed to be close to the sea. Mad at herself for feeling scared she stands up abruptly and studies the train rails. She acknowledges she has to walk along the tracks to get to the bathhouse, since the train just passed and there isn’t the double rail for another train going in the opposite direction. If that’s indeed a bathhouse there will probably be cabs for the clients and luckily she’s got cash with her.

Chihiro feels a huge headache coming and blesses her mother for insisting she took some pills with her, had she felt sick on the train. She swallows two of them and removes her shoes and socks to put them carefully in a plastic bag. She fastens her backpack on her shoulders with her laptop and her phone inside. In a blunt motion she ties her hair back with a glowing purple air tie and selects a song on her iPod before thrusting it deep in her pocket. She is ready to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nagoya is a real city in Japan and it's supposed to be close to the made up town Chihiro and her parents move in the movie, Tochinoki.  
> This is my source, in case you want to check it out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LHcVDzW1F4  
> The song I named the chapter after https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zLfCnGVeL4


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**A Beautiful Lie**

After what seems to be about a couple hours, according to Chihiro’s music playlist, she finally manages to reach the tiny square in front of the bathhouse, where she sits on its steps to wear her sneakers. Her legs are sore and she can barely feel her shoulders after carrying her backpack all along but despite the physical pain she realizes she doesn’t feel bad. She doesn’t find any cabs but strangely she’s not surprised; to be fair she doesn’t understand why she thought there would be, in the first place.

It’s almost sunset and the sky is painted with the most glorious shades of orange and pink. Chihiro is so amazed at the view she doesn’t recall ever seeing a twilight as rich as this. She lets her gaze wandering around and she’s pleased at the view of the traditional setting among all that green, so different from the urban one she’s used to.

Out of the corner of her eye she glimpses some lights getting on and she turns to face the building in front of her. That’s when she sees him. In the distance, past the bridge, stands a young boy with dark green hair. She’s absolutely sure she’s never seen him before but she’s unable to explain the stab of pain she suddenly feels. The moment he lays eyes on her he looks bewildered and in the meantime she’s put off her iPod he’s in front of her, mere inches away.

Chihiro takes a step back, _how could he ever move that fast?_ , and notices he’s not a child as she assumed before. Is there something wrong with her eyes? He’s very pale and appears to be as old as her and she feels a hint of shame for mistaking his age so much. She doesn’t get to study his figure though as she get caught by his eyes, impossibly green.

«How can you be here? You must leave, now!»

Chihiro gets snapped out of her trance and feels an uneasy sense of deja vu. «I, I was on the train, I walked here from the stop» she swallows hard «Who are you? What is this place?»

If possible he seems to be more shocked and confused than she is as he stares into her eyes and Chihiro feels like a child under his inquiring gaze. Speaking in a calm, resolute voice he offers his hand for her to take it.

«Follow me, I’ll take you somewhere safe.»

Chihiro takes another step back. She opens her eyes wide in surprise at the look of hurt on his face and almost feels bad for moving backwards. But she knows better than follow strangers around, although she’s quite tempted to do as he says. She can’t trust this guy, can she?

«I can help you go home.»

That sounds more like a last desperate attempt than a conscious fact but it’s almost completely dark and she can see past his shoulder the bathhouse waking up. At that sight all the fear she previously forgotten spreads in her mind and with a doubtful glance at the young man in front of her she tentatively reaches out to him.

 

Chihiro wakes up in a western styled simple room. She pulls of the cover and gets out of the bed as if it were burning and pinches her skin repeatedly. She breathes in and out to regulate her pulse and tries to recollect the past events. The first image that comes to her is the water, a calming vast expanse of open water, suddenly followed by a pair of bright green eyes. She jumps at that. The guy! She remembers taking his hand and nothing more. Did he do something to her? She checks on her clothes but she’s wearing the same jeans and T-shirt she wore this morning and everything is where it’s supposed to be, except for her shoes that she finds under the bed. Someone put her backpack on the wooden desk under the window and she finds her jacket hung at the desk chair with her iPod still turned on inside its pocket. She turns it off and such a usual gesture like that relaxes her enough to shut down emotions and coldly analyse her situation. First thing first she grabs her phone just to find it still out of signal. She’s about to put it away again when she notices something extremely odd; the clock stopped at 15:42 but that’s impossible. She’s sure she walked for no less than two hours and must have slept for another or two. With a dreadful suspect rising inside her she switches on her iPod again and turns on her laptop. All three devices show the same date: 15:42, 16th of September.

Careful not to make any noise, Chihiro slowly opens the door ajar and the voices of two people arguing in the living room suddenly hit her.

«...and she wasn’t even fading away, not once I saw her transparent.»

«And you said she must have walked for hours, she should have been gone already.»

«I don’t understand how that’s possible, there’s no way she passed through the Gate, I checked if it were open and it’s not.»

Chihiro recognizes the first voice as of the guy she met earlier that day while the other voice belongs to an old woman and she’s sure she has never heard it before.

«We have to understand how she got here in the first place before sending her back.»

«I know, Zeniba.»

What a curious name, she thinks. There’s no doubt this is the first time she hears of it but somehow it seems familiar. She feels a headache coming but she tries to fight it and clear her mind to listen as more as she can, however no one talks for a while and she gets they probably noticed she’s eavesdropping their conversation. She knows she would have had to face them sooner or later and with her coverage gone there’s nothing else left to do, besides, she needs answers. She wears her best stoic mask and takes a deep breath as she twists the door open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here the song the chapter is named after https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kvd-uquuhI


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**  
**Ordinary Day**

  
Chihiro is right about the two voices but didn’t consider the presence of a third being, sitting at a wooden table while spinning straw. Next to him there is an old woman of grotesque proportions that reminds Chihiro of satirical political journals. In front of her stands the young man she saw before passing out.

«Just in time for tea,» The old woman smiles gently and points at the chair next to hers. «Would you like some?»

Taken aback she bows lightly and gets closer to the table. The air is thick of tension from all of them, or at least the three of them; she isn’t sure what the other being is supposed to be but, as impossible as it sounds, she can’t bring herself to think it’s human. It wears a white mask and is covered with what seems to be a black glowing cloak.

She diverts her gaze quickly in fear of appearing impolite and looks around with awe at the perception of having been there before. Eventually her gaze meets the impenetrable one of the guy. He’s taller than her and despite that she can’t shake off the image of him appearing younger in the distance. Of course it isn’t like he could switch his age at his likes, so why is she so sure she saw him younger? She finds, with a great amount of distaste at herself, that she doesn’t want to hold his gaze any longer, worried at the confusion he creates in her mind. So she takes the cup of tea she’s given without drinking, just to feel the heat radiating off to her. With her wrists resting on the table she catches the woman gaze directed at her air tie. Chihiro looks at her in confusion and finally she breaks the silence.

«No Face, would you please go get more straw? You are so fast you already finished what you picked this morning.»

Chihiro watches amazed as it, or is it a he?, stands and bows to her. She bows back, more fascinated than frightened as he shows the hint of a smile and leaves. It’s just the three of them now and Chihiro feels claustrophobic. The woman smiles kindly at her and speaks again.

«There’s much we need to discuss.»

«What happened?»

«Unfortunately that’s what we hoped you would tell us.»

Chihiro sighs deeply at that, thinking hard. How is she supposed to explain something she doesn’t understand?

«I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine.»

The woman smiles, «That’s an agreement. How did you get into this world?»

This world? Chihiro frowns at that. Does she mean that Stephen Hawking’s right about multiverse? But that’s not likely, there is electricity in the cottage but nothing that resembles technology; she couldn’t possibly be referring to physics.

«I was on the train,» she starts, «I was going back to college but I fell asleep on the ride. When I woke up I was on a different train.» She stops expecting her to say something but the woman doesn’t talk.

«I got off as soon as possible and the stop was close to a Bathhouse. I got there walking along the tracks. Then-»

She stops and looks at him, «I remember seeing you and nothing else. Did I pass out?» He nods.

She diverts her attention back to the woman, feeling she’s not going to get any answer from him.

«Where am I?»

«This is my house.» Chihiro blinks a couple times. She knew it. She has no idea how, but she felt the old woman was the owner of the place.

«Does it look familiar? Or do any of us?»

«I’m… not sure. Why?»

«Out of curiosity.» Obviously, she doesn’t buy it for a second but she doesn’t want to ask further about that now. She’s not sure she would like the answer.

«You said “this world”, what do you mean?»

The woman looks intensely at her before answering, as if she were pondering whether she could say it or not.

«You are in the spirit world, child.»

Chihiro swallows hard but finds out she’s not shocked at the news. She feels like she knew it all along, _except, she didn’t know it all along._

«That kind of makes sense.»

It’s the woman turn to be surprised this time and exchanges a look with the guy.

«Does it?»

«My-» mobile phone? computer? «watch has been stuck at the same time all these hours,» She lifts her gaze to meet hers. «All of my watches are stuck at the same time, just before I woke up in the other train.» She stares blankly at the wall in front of her.

«So yes, it makes sense. Is your cottage near the Bathhouse?»

«It couldn’t be farer.»

Chihiro points directly at the guy, «How did we get here then? And why I don’t remember moving?»

«We used the train. You were asleep the whole time.» His voice sounds fluid and charming and reminds Chihiro of water. She doesn’t ask further but she can tell he’s lying and she knows he knows that she knows.

«How do you think I got here?» She addresses both of them now, but none of them have an answer to offer.

«We don’t know yet.»

The headache she felt before rises again and she brings her hands to her temples. At her gesture the young man approaches her and gently touches her shoulder, «Are you all right?» he asks.

But at his touch the headache grows painfully and she lets go of a weak cry as she waves his hands off of her. The instant he lets go the pain gets bearable again. She breaths heavily as she checks her pulse. She’s still crawled to herself and she can’t see the pain in his features.

She hears the woman mumbling, «That’s why you passed out.» And looks at her, «What?»

«Chihiro, there’s something you should know-»

«How do you know my name?» She stands up in fear, feeling like she’s been playing cat and mouse the whole time. And she’s the mouse.

«You’ve been here before.»

«What?» She’s seriously frightened now.

«You’re just scaring her. We’ll tell you everything but sit, please.» She looks at him and all she see is an emotionless face but for his eyes. She’s scared of him but she sits, not knowing what else to do.

«The hair tie at your wrist. Do you remember where you got it?» She wants to roll her eyes at the woman for such a silly question. Who cares about that stupid hair tie?

«I- No, I guess I found it when I moved house.»

«How old where you?»

«T- Ten. Why is it important? I don’t even know your names!»

«My name is Zeniba and this is Haku. You met us when you were a child. You’ve been here.»

«I can’t believe it.»

«You want to tell me you don’t find familiar any of this?»

Chihiro closes her eyes. She has been having a sense of deja vu the whole day, still, how is that enough to believe her words? But despite everything she wants answers and to be fair she would take any explanation, as impossible as it sounds.

As a child Chihiro has always loved Alice in Wonderland. For some strange reason she could easily picture herself when she read of Alice’s adventures in a strange land. She felt intimately close to the character as if she could understand, out of experience, what she had been through in Wonderland, feeling all of Alice’s emotions as her own. She used to be so deeply invested in the story that she tried to believe in six impossible things, daily and rigorously before breakfast. It was easy and entertaining at first but it became a serious matter as time passed. She went from believing in spirits and dragons to convince herself she would pass that or this other test. It turned out to be a conviction ritual that at it’s core was nothing but a challenge with herself.

What if there is an explanation behind all of this?

«Let’s say I believe you. What were you saying about me passing out?»

«When you went back to the human world,» Chihiro shivers at her words, «Your memories of your time here faded, on a conscious level. However, nothing is ever forgotten, even if you can’t remember. To protect yourself you pushed those memories deep inside and although it worked well all these years, the moment you got here again this place has trigged your subconscious to bring them back. Being close to us, we that have been close to you, accelerates the process.»

Is Alice back in Wonderland, then? Chihiro listens carefully at her words. She can perfectly follow her when she speaks psychology- ish and nothing freaky, in fact, everything of what the woman- Zeniba said makes sense to her. Once you’ve ruled out the impossible, whatever remains however improbable must be true. But there’s one thing…

«The forgetting process. Was it all my doing?»

«No. We had to protect this world as much as you needed to protect yourself. Magic did its part.»

«I see. So that’s where the pain comes from.»

«To bring to surface such deep memories is indeed a painful process, especially because it works against the magic that wants you to forget.»

Chihiro only stares at her, not saying anything for a while, then, almost shyly, she asks precisely what she thinks Zeniba can’t answer her yet.

«I need to go home. Can you help me go back?» The woman sighs heavily, clearly expecting her to ask that.

«You can’t go back the way you did as a child,» The man, _Haku,_ finally speaks, «The only way for you to do it is through the same way you got here, and until we find out how that happened you’re going to have to wait.»

She wants to tell him that if she remembered how she got there in the first place she wouldn’t be here with them now, but thinks better of it, believing in their well-meaning.

«You are welcomed here as long as you need, that’s your room for now.»

«Thank you.» She bows gratefully at the woman and leaves to retire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I hope the comparison between Alice and Chihiro isn't too strained, but I've always thought their stories are quite alike, in a way.  
> From now on, starting with this chapter, you'll find countless references to my favorite fandoms. I dare you to find them all!  
> The song that inspired this chapter is [Dolores O'Riordan - Ordinary Day ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lxc3O4mQV74)  
> I'm sorry I didn't post it properly in the last chapters, I didn't notice I was doing it wrong.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Illuminated**

_Chihiro hurries through the bridge looking desperately for a place to hide but there’s nothing there that could serve at that purpose and she’s about to turn left and take the stairs when something hits her thigh and she screams as she falls for the pain and unable to stand she can only watch with terror as the monster comes closer and her eyes are getting heavier she barely notice the blood covering most of her pink boiler suit as she can’t take her eyes off of what used to be the most beautiful dragon she ever saw and he approaches her growling with his eyes glowing with hunger and her last conscious thought is that she’s seen those eyes before-_

-right there staring at her with apprehension. «Stay away!»

Haku snaps back in a second and stands motionless with horror as Chihiro feels the waves of panic fading away.

«I’m so, so sorry,» She says, trying to force her body not to shake. «I didn’t mean it.»

He looks uncertain whether to take a step closer or not. He decides against it. «It’s all right. How are you? I heard you screaming.»

«It was just a nightmare. I’m fine now.»

«Do you want to talk about it?» When she doesn’t answer he adds, «I may make some tea, if you like.»

She nods and attempts a smile that fails miserably. She’s glad he closes the door behind when he leaves, giving her some time to make up her thoughts. She grabs some tissue to dry off the sweat on her neck but heads soon after for a shower.

When she gets in the living room he’s pouring hot tea for the both of them and he hands her a cup as soon as she sits. He sits in front her. They don’t talk at first, they don’t even look at each other. It strikes her that they are alone in the woman’s house but she’s nowhere to be seen. She wonders if he lives here, too.

«Where is Zeniba?»

«She went to fetch something that might help you with the pain.»

She frowns at that. «I’ve got my own medicine.»

«Is it working?»

She doesn’t answer and takes a sip, lightly annoyed. She’s almost finished all the pills she had with her but it’s not working, at all. Chihiro tries to picture her queuing at the pharmacy to get her some medicine but she suddenly thinks that’s not what they mean: yesterday she spoke about magic.

«Is she» she blushes, unwilling to believe she’s actually asking that, «A witch?»

«Yes, that’s right.»

She finally meets his gaze. «Are you a wizard?»

He stares back at her and Chihiro doesn’t like it. She feels exposed under his gaze and in conflict with herself. Some part of her would genuinely trust him and despite the fact that his attitude towards her has been kind, even caring, her gut feeling tells her he’s a lot darker.

He smiles lightly. «I would say I’m an apprentice.»

She nods and sips her tea. There is something about this guy she can’t quite put into place. It’s like she feels him throughout herself and that’s what makes her wary towards him. It’s a scary feeling to say the least.

«Your name is Haku?»

«A short version of it, but you can call me so.» He says, looking at her. Yesterday she believed him to be emotionless, now she thinks that’s a mask. All about him is restrained but his eyes and they make her swirl inside.

«It does sound familiar.» He keeps staring at her but as soon as she sees a hint of hope in his eyes she looks away. She can’t bear it, not now; she’s not even sure she can trust him.

«What did you dream?»

«It,» she feels uneasy at his request, why would he even care? «It was just a childish dream actually, I haven’t had those in a very long time. Quite silly.»

«What’s wrong with silly?» He says openly smiling.

She’s surprised, that was something she would say. «Nothing.»

«I’m asking you because it might be important to understand what happened. If your nightmares started here, there may be a reason.»

She can’t deny the logic of that. She’s still uncertain but she answers that it was just about her being attacked by a monster.

«A monster?»

«A dragon. You see, quite childish.» She chuckles lightly in order to cover her awkwardness but doesn’t miss him stiffening at her words. «What? Don’t tell me dragons exist here as well! I can take the magic thing, really, but dragons?» She says raising up her eyebrow and actually trying to make a joke. He smiles a bit at her but she would call that the worst attempt she ever witnessed.

«How did it look like?»

She shifts her gaze from him, thinking. «Silvery. It was an Easter dragon.»

«That’s quite specific.»

«Indeed. I used to babysit a young girl a few years ago and she was so in love with mythology I ended up learning a few things myself.»

«Might come in handy. It hurt you, you said?»

«Only because I was a child in the dream. If it had been the current version of myself I would have come up with something better than running to a dead end.» She grins saying so, truly smiling for the first time since she got there.

«Oh, really?» He manages to smirk and Chihiro thinks they are finally reaching some kind of connection.

«Everyone has a pressure point. That’s all you need to find.»

«It’s not supposed to be that easy.»

«It’s not. Only a few manage to see that.»

«And you think you’re among them?»

«No, but I certainly try and sometimes I succeed.»

They don’t speak for a while but Chihiro stares at him for so long it gets hard to ignore. She blinks, mortified.

«I’m sorry, it’s just-»

«Yes?»

«I had a friend,» she says, frowning lightly. «He taught me something very important, something that changed me forever.»

She stops to take a breath and make up her mind. She can’t believe she’s actually saying this to an absolute stranger.

«But I’ve no idea what that was. I don’t remember what he looked like, or how he talked. There’s nothing there, just nothing.»

He looks pained and she almost feels sorry for him, though she doesn’t get why. But then something odd happens: for less than a second she sees that very dragon in the man in front of her. It looks like watching the negative of a photo but then she blinks and it’s gone.

«Are you all right?»

«Fine. It was just a shiver.» She attempts a smile to cover her wariness and looks at him.

«The dragon was beautiful, by the way.» She can see him holding his breath, «But poisonous. Like all beautiful things.» When he gets paler, she thinks she got him.

But then she swallows hard and looks somewhere else. It doesn’t feel right. Now that she thinks better at the nightmare, she realizes the set is the same as when she met the guy, so it perfectly makes sense. It’s only logical: she’s scared and she’s just looking for someone to blame; after all, the dream itself is nothing but the somatization of her fear.

 

When Zeniba is back home she finds Chihiro and Haku cleaning the kitchen. It’s a unique vision, she knows, so she makes sure she doesn’t make any noise and silently watches them washing the cups smiling shyly. For just a second, she lets her mind wandering how it would be like to have the both of them staying there for good.

When Kaonashi started living with her she was grateful she wasn’t alone anymore, grateful she had the chance to look out for someone. When Yubaba and her took different paths ending up not seeing each other and eventually becoming rivals, she felt deprived of the warmth and affection of a family, and while her sister has a child to fill her days and worries, Zeniba doesn’t have anyone. That’s why, when Haku showed up at her door asking if she might take him as her apprentice, having nothing left in the human world for him, she was more than glad to take him under her protection.

«I’m glad to see you’re getting along.»

They turn to face her and Chihiro smiles a little. Looking sadly at her Zeniba feels sick for what she’s going to say.

«I’m afraid I don’t have good news, but I have to try something first. Chihiro?»

«What do you want me to do?»

«Just spread this on your arm,» she says handing her a jar of black ash, «I have a theory but I’m not sure, and I don’t want to touch you in case it hurts.»

She takes it, careful not to touch Zeniba’s hand. «What is it supposed to do?»

«It won’t hurt but if I’m right it’ll change colour.»

Chihiro lifts the tiny bottle at her eyes length at looks closer. «Do I want to know what it’s made of?»

Zeniba smiles tiredly, «No, I don’t think so.»

Without saying anything else Chihro opens it and draws a line on her arm length. She’s both thrilled and scared and looks astonished when the substance changes to dark red. She lifts her face in surprise to meet Zeniba’s gaze. The woman slowly move her hand in the air and the ash disappears.

«Someone wanted you here.»

«What are you talking about?» Chihiro hears Haku saying. Zeniba sits with a resigned expression on her face.

«Claret means someone is controlling you. They brought you here somehow, and they’re manipulating you.»

«It doesn’t sound likely. What anyone could ever want from me here?» she almost shakes, but keep her steadiness, «How would they control me? I am my own person.»

«Have you had bad dreams?» _Apart from the one I’m currently living?_ Chihiro wants to say, but can’t bring herself to speak and Haku answers for her.

«Then that’s probably how they’re doing it.»

Chihiro takes her head in her hands. «I have to go home. My parents will be worried sick.» _And Rumi too._

«We can’t do that, we don’t know how.»

«You talked of a Gate, I heard you,» Chihiro points desperately at Haku, «Why can’t I use that?»

He lightly tilts his head, as if he were to apologise, «It wouldn’t work. It would just make you disappear.»

«What do I do?» She asks to no one in particular, feeling lost.

«You’re safe as long as you stay with us. We’ll find a way to help you, Chihiro.» She wants to believe her, she really does, but she’s so discouraged right now she can’t find it in herself to give her credit.

«We’ll start working on it. Why don’t you eat something in the meanwhile? You’re extremely pale.»

«Thanks, I’m not hungry.» It suddenly hits her that she’s not. Her last meal was breakfast with her parents the day before, but she hasn’t been hungry the whole time. It is weird. On the other hand she feels so tired though that’s probably due to the shock, but still.

«If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go lay down.»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here the song that inspired the chapter [Hurts - Illuminated](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CvuyaKmLnw)


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Sleeping With Ghosts**

_She can feel the repulsive presence behind her but doesn’t accelerate her speed hoping it won’t notice her among all the other workers she turns left then she turns right heading for the bedroom floor where Lin is waiting for her so she won’t face it alone but she’s scared and she’s shaking because she can feel it getting closer and when she finally reaches her bedroom she looks around looking for her but no one is coming to help her and eventually she see it just behind her and she screams in terror as she runs to the railing she looks back again and it’s getting closer and closer slowly like a predator would do and this is even worse because she has the time to lose her mind completely and jumps out of the balcony to the water expecting to feel the crash-_

-but when she opens her eyes she’s standing in a sterile, white hospital room. There is a single bed with a girl lying on life support. Feeling nauseate she approaches the bed just to find herself in it. On the edge of a hysterical crisis she doesn’t have the time to observe the scratches on her face that she hears voices coming from the hallway. She recognises her father’s and her mother’s and a third one though she hasn’t heard that in a long time.

«...I’m going to sue the National Railways for what they did to my daughter!»

«Not now, Akio, I just want to see my daughter.»

«Yes ma’am.»

Chihiro can’t keep the tears springing to her eyes as she listens to her mother’s exhausted voice and finds herself unable to move from where she stands, paralyzed in fear. But when the three of them open the door and come inside the room, she feels the whole world collapsing upon her.

«Chihiro, honey,» Yuuko says crying, crouching at her daughter’s bedside.

«Mum, mum, I’m here,» but she can’t see her, can’t hear her and Chihiro throws herself into her father’s arms but she only passes through him.

«No, dad, no,» she cries out in pain as she watches her parents taking her hands in their own and caressing her cheeks with tears rolling down their faces. At that sight she falls to her knees screaming and crying her heart out and doesn’t stop until she feels empty.

«How bad is she?» She lifts her head at her father’s words.

«She had a serious concussion but managed surgery well and given the circumstances we were surprised she survived. She hasn’t entered the vegetative state but we’re unable to say how long the coma is going to last.»

Chihiro reads the doctor’s label on his white coat saying ‘Dr. Shō Maki’ and while listening to his voice she recognises him as the boy she once talked with, during a beautiful summer night of many years ago. The memory of it comes to her in a rush and she almost feels old realising how many years have passed. And now he is a doctor and she is in a coma.

«They’re going to pay for this, sweetheart,» she can see her father is trying to convince himself more than comforting her mum; he’s holding on to something, anything, that can help him stay strong. Chihiro knows because that’s precisely what she has learned to do. She can hear her father’s voice fading to sob and Chihiro feels as if her heart had been ripped from her body.

«I’ll give you some privacy.»

She sees the doctor heading out of the room. Did he recognise her? He acts professionally but Chihiro thinks she spotted a troubled expression on his face. She has longed for years to meet him again and that’s what she gets?

Now that she’s alone with her parents she tries her best to ignore them in order to focus on the room. With the electric light on and the curtains closed she can’t tell if it’s night or day but then she hears the distinguish voice of a journalist from the corridor. She reaches the door and try to open it but to her limitless astonishment her hands pass across it. When she gets to the other side her heart is beating so fast she can’t believe non one can hear it. She approaches the nurse room where a TV is showing the train accident. She watches in horror as the journalist says everyone died except for a student, name Ogino Chihiro. The news shows the railways completely twisted as the voice says the derailment was unforeseen to say the least, given the security check they performed only last year. Still in shock, Chihiro catches the date from the news, and finds out it’s still the same day but later in the afternoon.

Chihiro is sure she has spent no less than forty-eight hours in the Spirit World, which means time runs at a different frequency in both worlds. But what if she is hallucinating? Maybe the Spirit World doesn’t exist and she just made it up to cope with the trauma, while having this extra-corporeal experience is nothing but a flash of consciousness. However, even if she’s right, she has no idea how to wake up. It doesn’t matter whether the Spirit World actually exist; even if it doesn’t and it’s a figment of her imagination it means her subconscious wants her to wake up.

And she does. Not in the hospital bed, though, but in a cozy, western styled room. She pushes the dizziness aside and hurries out of the bed, looking for Haku and Zeniba. There’s no one in the living room so she goes outside and catches Zeniba around the fence, talking with the black spirit Chihiro saw the other day and someone else.

Zeniba is talking to a silvery, Eastern dragon with sea water mane and Chihiro nearly jumps out of her skin at the sight. But it’s nothing like the one from her nightmares: this one looks majestic and makes her feel safe. In the way it moves its eyes and bows to the witch Chihiro thinks it’s almost human and she’s so lost in amazement she doesn’t notice the black spirit pointing at her. It’s only when the creature meets her gaze that she realize they’re all looking at her. Blushing furiously she draws near them. She holds gaze with the dragon and when she hears Zeniba saying something on the line of “he’s not going to hurt you” she wants to say that she knows, she’s not sure whether what she is living is real or not, but she can feel it in her bones that he’s not going to hurt her. He, not it.

«I know it’s you. I’m not scared,» she whispers, inches from his face. He holds her gaze for a last, long moment, then he bows lightly at her and shifts into his human form.

Witnessing his transformation and having Haku right in front of her makes her want to hug him, but thinks better of it, not only for the pain his touch might provoke, but because there are more important things to do. She smiles at him and warmth invades her when he smiles back.

«I need to talk with you.» She moves back so that she’s facing both Haku and Zeniba.

«I know how I arrived here.»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Here we are to the seventh chapter! This is the song I've taken the title (and inspiration) from [Sleeping With Ghosts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PC2MFz6n4u0)


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Was It a Dream?**

Chihiro fidgets nervously as Zeniba and Haku look at her worried. She hasn’t said anything since they got inside and while she wants to tell them everything she’s scared all of this might not be real. Zeniba is making more tea and Chihiro almost laughs thinking that’s all she has eaten in the last few days. However, it makes sense that she doesn’t feel hunger and her only meals are liquid, given that she’s been fed with drip feed all day.

She stops abruptly at the thought. She glances at them, looking worriedly towards her. What if they don’t exist? She decided it didn’t matter, but what now? Can she keep pretending the environment she’s in and the people she talks to aren’t real?

«Chihiro?»

But that’s not how she has to think about it. When she arrived she had no idea what was going on, but she’s been putting together the pieces until they led her into reality: the hospital room. She has to keep following the clues she finds along the way to reach the next level. Then she meets Haku’s gaze and decides she’s just wasting time. She hates how he makes her feel vulnerable.

«There was an accident.» He tenses up but doesn’t say anything, «I should have died on the impact but I didn’t and I’m the only survivor.»

Zeniba is openly staring at her air tie with a mix of pride and regret. «Zeniba?»

«Please, continue» says the old woman lifting her gaze to Chihiro’s.

«I think I’m here because I’m dying on the other side.»

«You’re dying?» Haku breathes and Chihiro is surprised by the warmth in his eyes.

«Not precisely, I’m in a coma,» at their disoriented looks she adds, «it’s like I’m sleeping but I can’t breath on my own and machines help me do it, they keep me alive.»

There is a mix of horror and surprise in Haku eyes, like he’s shocked by what humans can do and at the same time he’s disgusted by it. But it doesn’t show any of this when he talks, and he’s voice is calm and cool.

«That would explain not only how you arrived, but also why you didn’t fade away and why you don’t smell.»

Smell? Chihiro flushes red at that. She’s a clean person, do her clothes smell? But at her troubled expression Haku adds, «Humans have a peculiar smell, easy for us to detect. But you’re not entirely human at the moment, you’re in between.»

«So humans fade away, here?»

«Only if they don’t eat our food.»

She nods. She’s not sure she understands how this place works but it doesn’t really matter now. Then, with her eyes filled with understanding at a sudden idea, she rushes to her room and reappears a few seconds later with her phone in her hand. They look wary at the device but Chihiro lifts her head to speak. «My phone is stuck at 15:42, I didn’t know why, but I understand now. I never fell asleep on the train as I thought, this is the time it crashed.»

«Chihiro, what happened exactly?»

«The train derailed,» she says to Zeniba, «it’s odd, though. It wasn’t supposed to happen. The railway is quite new and they tested it last year, besides, it was a straight road. What chances there are for a new train to derail on a straight road?»

«Very few. In fact, We don’t think it was accidental.»

Chihiro doesn’t answers at that and just notice Haku and Zeniba exchanging looks. There is something she’s missing, isn’t there?

«I’m remembering now,» she says looking at the floor, tying to focus on the memory, «the tracks where completely twisted. Like in a snakish form. It’s impossible no one noticed before the train passed.»

«Because it happened just when you passed from there,» she looks at Haku, «There are deep hot springs spread along the territory. It’s an easy trick for a water spirit to bring them to surface.»

She opens her eyes wide at that, «Are you saying a hot spring would be hot enough to melt the tracks? Do you know how steaming they would have to be? It’s not possible.»

«It is if you know how to do it. Besides I’m-»

«You what?»

«I know what I’m saying, Chihiro.»

«Then why would a spirit bother killing me?»

«I can’t say. But I think I know where to start looking for answers.» He heads for the door but Chihiro rushes after him.

«Wait! I want to go with you.»

He glances at her in surprise. «You can go home now. If you force your mind to wake up it will obey. We’ll deal with this.»

«No.»

She glances at both of them. «If you’re right and someone tried to kill me they’ll try again. And I want to know why.»

Zeniba barely covers a proud smile that makes Chihiro feels way more confident, while Haku is still staring at her, clearly puzzled.

«A coma after head injury like the one I had usually lasts from 2 up to 4 weeks, and time runs differently here, I noticed as it’s still the same day in my world. I can wake up when this is over.»

«I can’t take you with me anyway. I can’t touch you.» He looks stoic but Chihiro spots a single shade of hurt in his eyes, just before it disappears.

«But you carried me already. We didn’t take the train, did we?»

«No.» His voice is cold and strict when he adds, «But I’m not going to take you anywhere while unconscious.»

She bits her lower lip. He’s got a point, to which she agrees to be fair. She would only be a weight if she passed out whenever he’d touch her. «Then help me get my memories back. It won’t hurt anymore because you said the pain it’s due to my memory block. Once gone I’ll be OK and I’ll understand this world better.»

«That would actually be a good idea,» Zeniba says while looking for something in the cupboard, «it might be painful though. How much are you able to endure?» She gets paler at that.

«There’s no reason for you to do it.»

«Give me a good reason I shouldn’t.»

His face doesn’t show any emotion but Chihiro knows he must be feeling something. Anger, annoyance maybe, but not nothing.

«Because,» there’s a hint of command in his voice, «You might not want to leave if you remember.» Only a hint, but enough to piss Chihiro off.

She glares at him, «If you think I’m ever going to leave my family behind you’re very, very wrong.»

She’s expecting something, anything, but when he smiles, out of the blue, she feels confused and a bit of an idiot.

«I know,» he says, his voice calm again, «I just wanted to know if you had changed, I’m glad you haven’t.»

She looks at him startled. _Of course I’ve changed_ , she wants to say but somehow she gets that’s not what he means. Who was she when she was ten?

«Chihiro,» she gives Zeniba her full attention and takes the tiny bottle she hands her, «if you’re sure you want to remember you have to drink this. I have to warn you though: it’s going to hurt, because it won’t bring back your memories but it will fight against the spell that keeps you from remembering.»

Chihiro almost shakes but doesn’t blink. She hears Haku behind her, «Chihiro. You don’t have to do this.»

But she looks at him, her lips slightly parted, «I want to remember.»

«You better sit.» Zeniba adds while studying her face. «Are you sure?»

Chihiro looks at her and simply nods, sitting at the table. She keeps the bottle in one hand and unscrews the top with the other. _This is it_ , she thinks. But before she drinks it she turns to Zeniba one more time, «Why didn’t you have me drink it earlier?»

«This has to be your choice, Chihiro.» She nods again, satisfied with the answer, and swallows it all.

The pain erupts instantaneously and Chihiro screams her lungs out, frantically trying to make it stop. Behind her closed eyes she sees images coming in succession of her first time in the Spirit World. Her parents turned into pigs, Haku on the bridge telling her to leave and then saving her again and again, and her saving him. No-Face and her on the train to Zeniba, Haku and her flying over the sea. The purple air tie! She vaguely thinks she has had it as an evidence of what happened all this time and never remembered, when it finally ends and she collapses on the floor.

«Chihiro!»

She rises slowly, paler than ever. «Granny?» she whispers, then a pair of strong arms are hugging her and it’s painless.

«Yes, oh dear! I’m so glad it worked, I was so worried!»

She smiles weakly at her and when she’s out of the embrace she sees a now familiar black spirit looking with a smile on his mask.

«No-Face!» she exclaims and raises a hand to meet with his. He answers excited with mumbled sounds and she laughs lightly. When she turns and looks at Haku she’s pleased to see he is getting emotional as well as her, and she closes the distance between them until she is a few steps from him.

«Hi,» she says, happier than she’s ever felt.

«Hi.» He smiles back and she thinks she has never seen anything as beautiful as him. She feels like a child again and before she can feel the tears rolling down her face she hugs him tight.


	10. Chapter 9

**Circadian**

«Did the air tie save my life?»

«It didn’t really do its job, given that you’re here.»

«But I’m not here permanently, so it did.» Zeniba smiles at her, clearly too happy to actually retort.

«You should rest.»

She glances Haku, «No way. I’m coming. Just give me a minute.»

Chihiro gets in her room to put the phone back in her bag, it would be of no use in the Spirit World. She studies her stuff, uncertain. What could be useful of what she’s got? There’s no hot or cold in the Spirit World, so she doesn’t even need her jacket. It’s strange to realize nothing of what would be necessary, if not vital, in her world it’s simply irrelevant here. She heads back in the living room to find Haku and Zeniba speaking intensely. She rests with her back at the door’s jamb and smiles softly while watching them but hides it quickly when they notice her.

«I’m ready.» She says while Haku slightly nods and walks out of the house.

«Zeniba,»

«You know you can call me Granny.» Chihiro smiles widely, «Granny. Thank you, for everything.»

«My dear Chihiro, I’m so glad I get to see you again.»

«Me too, Granny.»

 

When Chihiro opens the door she finds Haku waiting for her in all his greatness, already in his dragon form. Seeing him like this, the same way it happened so many years ago, makes her hearts skip a beat and she almost shake. She barely manages not to tremble when she gets on his back and tightens at his body.

Chihiro remembers she used to hold onto his horns but now it feels so strange to actually be riding him that she blushes at the thought. She buries her face deep within his mane and thinks how peaceful and calming it is to fly, nothing like what she knows, the claustrophobic atmosphere of planes. How could she ever forget it? She feels weightless, like a feather in the air. And he is her anchor.

She feels the air on her face and through her hair and it delights her so much she notices she’s giggling and stops all of sudden. What if Haku heard her and thought her to be mad? Which she is, in her own way, she thinks.

Haku’s body moves gracefully in the air, and she wonders if he feels as amazed as she is when he flies, or if he so used to it that flying it’s just an ordinary thing he can do. She would want to ask, but knows he can’t answer her like that.

There are so many things she would want to ask him, Chihiro thinks, and realizes she doesn’t even know him.

Except she does. She has spent the last couple years doing research on the Kohaku River for its restoration; she knows how old he is, and shivers at the thought. Although it’s always quite difficult to define a river’s age, the C14-dating on the deepest river deposits stated that it existed already in the twelfth century. It strikes her, in that very moment, that half her life has been about him. Her studies, her chosen career. She valued the restoration of the Kohaku River as her most important goal in life.

Memories start running in her head, and she thinks of when she started college. She was so happy to finally do something she actually believed in. She recalls how hard she studied to be selected for the internship – cleaning up a river, only to achieve the qualifications required to apply for the Kohaku Restoration Project. Her project. She remembers the days spent talking to her teachers about it, the nights spent finding the perfect solution to match both the budget and the expectations that were required. And she wasn’t even certain, the whole time, if they would pick her for the job, instead of someone else more experienced. Her parents had been so proud… her parents who are currently crying at her bedside. She didn’t even stop to think about them, too excited to go for an adventure.

She’s shaking so hard Haku is landing. _Well done_ , she scolds herself, _you managed to ruin this too._ He lowers her carefully and quickly shifts back.

«Chihiro? You’re not all right.»

She doesn’t answer nor she looks at him and barely shakes her head. She’s so overwhelmed by everything that’s happening and doesn’t even seem to be able to stop the tears. Chihiro vaguely considers she might make him uncomfortable but Haku is already at her side. Without saying a word he lets her as she cocks her head in his neck and strokes her hair gently while waiting patiently for her to pour it all out. It’s only after several minutes, when her sobs are getting rare, that he talks.

«I’m afraid I don’t have onigiri with me this time.» She chuckles on his skin and her hot breath warms his heart up. She lifts her head slowly. «I feel better now. Thank you.»

«Do you want to talk about it?»

She meets his gaze. Would she tell him? Nothing good would come out of it. What if she tells him she might help with his river and then she can’t? She doesn’t have the power to guarantee the success of the project.

«I guess it was just about time I let it all out.» She smiles.

He nods in understanding. «When can go whenever you’re ready.»

 

When they land it’s almost sunset. The place is heavily wooded and extremely green. Chihiro has never seen such a luxuriant greenery apart from the botanical garden and finds it exquisite. Haku doesn’t change his shape and Chihiro turns to him, tilting her head on her right side.

«We’re on the ground, you can shift back,» she smiles softly and he slightly tousles her hair with his nose, causing her to chuckle.

«Where are we going?» she asks while he changes into his human form.

«To meet an acquaintance of mine.»

«But I remember people sleep during daytime here.»

«I’m sure he’s going to be available.»

There’s quite a threatening tone in his voice, Chihiro notices, that makes her think she wouldn’t want to be at this person’s place when dealing with Haku. He leads her across a path she didn’t see and she almost stumbles when he stops abruptly and turns to the left. They keep walking for a little while and Chihiro finds herself wondering how stupid it would be for her to take his hand. But as soon as she lifts her eyes to look around he slows down and stops near a pond.

The place is beautiful – just as the rest of the Spirit World, and Chihiro thinks her mum would love to have a picnic here. The pond is delimited with white, little pebbles and she feels the sudden need to take one in her hand but restrains herself. Instead, she watches amazed as Haku kneels on the shore and put a hand into the water, right beneath the surface. She reaches him just in time to spot a full head of hair raising from the water. On top the of its head she sees a cavity full of water.

Chihiro takes a step back, frightened, as the creature emerges from the water. In front of her stands something she believed all her life to be made up in order to scare children into behaving: a kappa.

«Kohaku. How dare you bother my sleep?» the creature says in a hoarse voice.

Chihiro stares at it, still in shock. It resembles a child, given its proportions, while its body looks similar to a frog. Its face sends her chills but she can’t stop staring at his ape-mane eyes.

«Oh,» it says glancing at her, «I’ve got visitors today.» And just as it says so it changes into its human form, a blond, brawny young man.

«I need informations, Kawako.» Haku is calm as always but his voice is demanding. Chihiro fights the urge to hold his arm.

«As always Kohaku, and as always you’ll get them. But who are you?» It points directly at Chihiro with the ghost of a smirk on its face. «We’ve met before.»

«That’s not likely.»

«Is it, Chihiro?» She gulps and stares at him with wide eyes. Nobody beyond Haku and Zeniba has ever called her with her real name in the Spirit World.

«How could you possibly know my name?»

Haku seems to be disoriented as well and Chihiro understands the kappa didn’t learn it from him.

«My name is Kawako. Does it ring a bell?»

Chihiro glares at him but tries to focus. Thinking hard she recalls a camping site with that name, but nothing more. She remembers she spent there a weekend with her friends to celebrate their High School graduation. She was dating someone at the time, wasn’t she? Koan! They spent almost the past two years flirting and became a thing that summer, though it didn’t last much. But that night the two of them sneaked out of their tents to go for a swim in the lake... The lake, which gives the name to the camping site. Kawako.

She feels her cheeks blushing as realisation rushes into her and she hears the kappa laughing rudely. «I see you remember!»

«You… saw?» she asks weakly. They didn’t just swim, of course they didn’t just swim.

«Everything,» he sneers, and Chihiro crosses her arms on her chest without thinking. The kappa is still laughing when Haku's imperious voice breaks the mood.

«Enough.» Chihiro glances at him and realizes he heard the whole of it. She’s not ashamed of what happened, she has no reason to be; but having it spit it all at her face, after years she hasn’t been thinking about it, is enough to destabilise her. Trying to push the memory away she listens to the conversation happening between Haku and the kappa but only gets pieces of it.

«I don’t know who did it but I can tell you whom I heard it from.»

«Who are they?»

They speak for a bit more until the creature finally disappears into the water again. Haku wears a hard look on his face and Chihiro almost fear it might be because of what he heard about her in the worst way possible, but then he takes her hand and smiling slightly leads her back from where they arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> The song that names the chapter is [Circadian - Falling Up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpcDQGdwlGU)  
> "kawako" is actually just another name for kappa


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Saturn

Darkness is already raising when they leave heading back to Zeniba. Chihiro looks down above his fluid body, amazed at the view. She’s tired as she’s still trying to process having her memories back. With her previous knowledge now acquired she feels its full weight on her shoulders and is even more determined to understand why this is happening. Chihiro feels like everything that has came about since she woke up in the train to this very moment happened in such a rush that she feels she’s been running the whole time.

Flying on Haku doesn’t help with the tiredness spreading along her body. His movements are lulling her and she has to force her eyes open to the endless deep blue of the sky to not fall asleep. As much as she tries, though, her body betrays her and she starts yawning. It’s quite embarrassing at first and Haku seems to hear her, as he turns his head in his flying to look at her. She blushes and says in a low voice, «I’m sorry, I’m just tired.»

He doesn’t seem to mind and Chihiro thinks she can manage until they arrive, although she has no idea how far they actually are from Zeniba’s. Haku keeps his gait for a while, until he spots something below them. He steers slowly and then lands in a flowering clearing.

«What?» she murmurs getting off of him. But he doesn’t answer and when she turns to face him he’s still in his dragon form, curled up among the flowers. It’s such a surreal vision, a silvery dragon in the moonlight, that Chihiro finds it breathtaking along with extremely cute, but thinks better not to say either things. She can’t help a giggle, though, but Haku doesn’t seem bothered as he draws her closer with his tail.

«You want to sleep here? I’m not that tired! I can hold up till-» but before she can finish the sentence her body betrays her once again and she yawns and rubs her eyes. He chuckles at her and she nudges him slightly, «Fine, we stay,» she says sleepy and she nestles against him. His mane is silky under her touch and it smells of fresh rain water as she leans within it.

«Goodnight,» she whispers. He seems to purr as he coils tenderly around her and rests his head on her shoulder. The last thing he remembers before falling asleep it’s her smile spread across her face.

 

When Chihiro wakes up she’s alone in the clearing so she looks around searching for Haku but he’s nowhere to be seen. She recalls the event of last night and she feels uneasy when the memory of their embrace comes back to her. She’s startled at her own confusion and barely scared, because she doesn’t want to acknowledge the emotional whirlwind Haku is able to provoke in her. Chihiro fears it would only give him the power to hurt her and she’s not willing to let anyone get so close.

«Chihiro? You’re awake.»

She turns to face the very man she was thinking about and she worries there might be awkwardness between them after their previous closeness.

«Yes, I was just looking for you.»

«Did you sleep well?»

«I… Yes.» She frowns. She hasn’t had nightmares last night and she’s realizing it just now. She felt safe with him. Does it mean the nightmares only come when she’s upset? That would make sense.

«I might have found a lead.» He says to break the silence, his voice as light as water.

She looks up at him and slightly blushes. She doesn’t want him to believe she was thinking about them but it would be worse to say anything out loud. His face is entirely unperturbed and Chihiro wishes she could read his mind, even just for a second, to finally know what he thinks.

«I thought we were going back to Zeniba.»

«Not yet, but I can take you there if you want.»

«Not really. So, what’s the plan for today?»

«I’ll explain as we go, come on.»

None of them actually say anything for a while and Chihiro is grateful for the silence. A lot of things are troubling her and she feels the need to analyse and organize them. She considers herself to be a free thinker and has always turned to rationality to put her life in order. Now more than ever she needs to, as scared as she is to lose control over herself. She glances at Haku every now and then, walking a few steps in front of her. She realizes with gloom that in his human shape he’s never as fond of her as he is in his dragon one. As a dragon he is less restricted and appears to be able to express his emotions more clearly. What if he actually feel things differently? Right now there isn’t tension between them. They just act like it never happened and besides, she thinks, it probably didn’t matter much.

«Where are we going?» She asks, mostly to push away uncomfortable thoughts.

«To meet a River Spirit.»

 _A colleague of yours?,_ she would like to say, but doesn’t dare. Haku doesn’t look like one of those people you can laugh with, and that would be a bad joke anyway. She lapses into dismayed silence. _He doesn’t look like._ What does he look like? She glances at him again, shyly. Chihiro thinks she knows him, _knew him,_ but to be fair she doesn’t. As much as he doesn’t know her. They haven’t known each other for the last twelve years, after all. Can they try to know each other now?

Chihiro has a lot of questions, to begin with the kappa they visited yesterday. She has learnt, in the most embarrassing way possible, that it controls a lake in her world, while Haku woke it up from a pond here. Does it mean every spirit has their domain in the human world mirrored in the spirit one?

«Do you have a river here? As the kappa has a pond?» She clearly hears him sigh and wonders if that was too personal to ask.

«I do.» Chihiro is able to detect a hint of sadness in his voice and suddenly feels mortified.

«Haku, I apologise for asking,» and she’s about to bow to him when his voice stops her, fluid and elegant as always.

«There’s no need, Chihiro.» He’s smiling at her and it makes her feel as light as a feather. «I appreciate your curiosity.»

She nods, the hint of a smile on her face. As they keep going Chihiro finds herself glancing at him more often, uncertain whether to ask further.

«You’re thinking out loud.»

She blushes violently when he talks, hit in her pride. «What is this place?»

«We’re entering the forest, we’re close.»

«No, I mean, what is the Spirit World, Haku?»

He faces her, taken aback at her sudden outburst. «What do you mean?»

She bits her lips tensely. «Does this world physically exist? Like, does it extends on Earth, shares the same land as my country?» She stops to take a breath while Haku stares at her looking lost.

«Because that’s what I believed the first time,» she adds, «but now, I’m not entirely alive and yet I’m not dead, which means the Spirit World is either a metaphysical land or,» she gulps, «some kind of afterlife?»

«You’re not dead, Chihiro.» She feels her hand getting warm all of sudden and looks down to find he’s holding it with his. She vaguely thinks she expected his hands to be cool and fresh, not warm. But the feeling slowly spreads into her arm and she lifts her face to look at him.

«As for the rest, I’m not sure I can give you a proper answer.»

She diverts her gaze from him, discouraged. «I’m sorry, it doesn’t matter.» She’s not even sure why she wanted to know so badly.

«We’re here, by the way. I can go alone, if you prefer.» Chihiro squeezes his hand and looks firmly into his eyes. There’s no way she’ll stay out of this.

«All right, then.» he says leading her closer.

Chihiro can hear the noise of swirling water before she sees it and she’s amazed to find an impressive waterfall ending in a large, great river. She’s so astonished at the view she doesn’t notice Haku’s amusement at her reaction and only spots him when he kneels on the river’s bank and repeats the same gesture he did the day before.

An old, wrinkled face rises from the water and this time Chihiro knows who’s in front of her. The last time Chihiro saw this face was at the Bathhouse, when she was ten.

«Kohaku.» Greets the spirit, then he turns to her. She bows.

«We meet again, child.» His voice is deep and low, just as she remembers. «I heard you keep doing well.» She blinks, confused.

«I understand you cleaned up a river.»

«Yes, sir.» Chihiro can feel Haku’s eyes on her but doesn’t meet his gaze.

«Why are you here?»

«We are looking for something, we hoped you might help us.»

«River spirits are protectors, child. After what you’ve done I’m willing to help you as I can.»

«Can you tell us what you know about recent ground waters movements?» Haku asks regardfully.

«It is odd you ask about that.»

«How so?»

«Only yesterday the spirit I had placed to cover for a deep aquifer was found dead.»

Haku gets paler, Chihiro notices, but he when he talks his voice is calm as always. «I see. Under what circumstances?»

«I’m afraid I don’t know.»

Haku nods and under his stoical mask she can read concern.

«Thank you for your time.»

He bows to him and waits for Chihiro to do the same. As she does, though, she feels something small growing between her joined hands and she glances down, surprised. She recognizes the tiny sphere in her hands as the medicine the River Spirit gave her the first time they met, and smiles gratefully at him.

«Make good use of it.» He smiles back at her and slowly disappears under the water.

When she turns to Haku she finds him looking down, frowned. «How bad was it?»

«Very. There is indeed something happening, if a spirit got killed to be kept quiet.»

«What do we do now?»

«We need to talk with Zeniba.»

They start heading back when, almost hesitant, he asks, «You know him?»

«At the Bathhouse. He gave me,» she shows him the medicine. «Do you…?»

«I remember.»

An awkward silence falls between them and now that Chihiro thinks about it, they never got to talk about what happened. None of them attempt to say anything, however. Chihiro is already lost in a deep thinking session of what the River Spirit said, about river spirits being protectors. It matches with what Zeniba said the first time they met, with Haku bleeding on the floor. She said dragons are kind, kind and stupid. He was always kind towards her, but she assumed it was because he remembered her, somehow. Would have Haku acted the same with someone else? _Of course he would have_ , she thinks. He would have been there for anyone that needed help, she’s sure. After all, he couldn’t have remembered her all of sudden on the bridge, just because she fell into him all those years ago. How strange must have been not to remember his own name but hers?

«Would have you helped me anyway, if I hadn’t fell into you? If you hadn’t known who I was?»

But they’re flying and Chihiro mentally scolds herself for asking right now, when he can’t answer. But she decides she’ll take the silence as a yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I'm so sorry for posting so late but I rarely find free time between university and work!  
> [Saturn - Sleeping at Last](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzNvk80XY9s) this is the music that inspired the chapter! Hope you liked it, things are going to get messy!


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